Yesterday, my husband and I joined three other phenomenal couples in a presentation to our Marriage Ministry on the Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman. It was truly an eye-opening experience as we shared on the season of fall. According to Dr. Chapman, in the fall season of marriage, couples undergo a period of change, just as the leaves change during that season, so does the marriage. It is so important for both, husband and wife, to look at marriage as not just being or giving a percentage of 50/50 of themselves, but 100/100. You have to truly give your all and then some. It’s important to remember that trials may come, however, they don’t last always. But it’s what you do with it that matters. How you grow from it. Or, do you continue doing the same thing expecting a different result?
In marriage, we must always be prepared to stick and stay. Too often, too many of us, look at marriage as having an open door, “Well, if he/she don’t like it, then….”, but this should never be the case. Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work, but for those of us who have 20+ in, I’m here to tell you, every up and down has been worth it.
I remember when we first got married and I went to the priest who married us and complained that my husband wasn’t doing his share. Father Earlie Clemmons asked, “Candace, could you do more?” I looked at him like he was plum crazy because the point of my complaint was that I wanted him, my husband, to do more…however, I simply answered after careful consideration, “Yes. I could do more.”
In marriage, we have to learn what the needs are of our Significant Other (equally significant, of course) and adjust our thinking to meet their needs. They may require:
1. Words of Affirmation (use words which uplift your companion);
2. Quality Time (choose to give your spouse your undivided attention);
3. Acts of Service (take on a chore which would normally be done by your spouse);
4. Receiving Gifts (memento/symbol of love); and/or
5. Physical Touch (intimacy/coddling).
All of these simple, yet meaningful, acts can make the difference between a lifetime of happiness and a lifetime of misery. Me, personally, I choose the former, because he’s worth it and I love me some him.
Most importantly, he and I came to the conclusion, after many difficult trials and tribulations, in order to love each other the best way we could was by loving and placing God as the head of our life and our marriage. Who could go wrong with God as the focus?
Thank you for walking with me on this Pathway to Spiritual Rebirth.
Merry Christmas everyone. I love you but GOD loves you best.